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i've been trying to enjoy myself these two weeks...
i was in control of everything.
i try not to cry with people around..
there're just many many things that i did so as not to make people around me worry...
my parents, my friends..
but there are just times when i really cannot help but think...
i've been thinking so much that i feel as if i can't control myself anymore..
the heart is overtaking my mind kinda shit...
i have to say it's very very difficult to be nonchalant and treat someone as if he's not important to me at all..
there're just so many so many things i'm feeling and i can't put them into words...
i know i'll be fine after awhile...
so for now,
my smile would just do...
it's not a fake smile..
i'm just trying hard to smile that's all..
i seriously need time and space..
the memories are just too many to go away...
too many to count...
too many to even forget..
it's not that i totally not care about him at all..
i don't want to get myself hurt and die inside..
so for now, its the best to give both of us time and sort things out..
the emptiness still remains.
i'm not ready for anything yet.
any single shit thing.

anyhows,
on a lighter note,
i really enjoyed my 18th birthday two days ago..
had really fun with jerrys, my JC friends and other friends...
thanks for all the wishes.. =))
yes i'm legal now for many things(*smirks) and i'm EIGHTEEN.
come to think of it, it's quite scary..
many more responsibilities,
more homework,
more test to go for...
wahhs....
stress pls. hahs =)
but i'll act as usual..
my own retarded self *whee~
aint proud of it, but have to accept the fact...

i'm now waiting to finish my PW...
i really really can't wait..
results aren't out either..
so many so many things....

JUST ALL THE THINGS IN LIFE MAKE ME WORRY LIKE HELL...
damn...

oh yes,
my father going off thailand tmr..
at least for once he "attended" my birthday..
HE IS ALWAYS NOT HERE~....
=))
and i actually skipped school to go chinatown and fourhorseroad(in chinese) with him...
RAHHhs... damn crowded sias..
i wanna go read my books now..
i've got 4 books i wanna read now...

1. Legends of Langkawi (i borrowed this book last year december!! it got MIA and i just found it recently..)
2. Stamford Raffles Comic (yes, i should have bought this earlier for my history in sec2!)
3. Angels and Demon (i haven't return MEL yet!?)
4. The curious incident of the dog in the night-time (sheena just lend me the book ytd)

rights... more altering on my PW and i'm starting on these books..
my lit book havent bought yet even.. oh damnit.
okays...
that's for now..
ruis off to read books(hehs, i told a lie, i'm suppose to alter PW but we're not in school anyway..)