Post a Comment

I have been really vague in my posts.
But i had good reasons for them. Not entirely due to laziness.
I was afraid.
But hopefully not today,
cus i've got so many things to say.
So much to vent.

There was a time, before the new skin was up, i did shut down my blog for a period of time cus of comparison.
Then ever since then, i was really careful with what i wrote... Writing down the gist of what i felt only.... Cus i wanted a record for how i felt... The most important times.
Also, there were times due to mere laziness.. no excuses for that....

Anyhows,
My purpose of this post is nothing different from the rest.
It's eating me up inside.
I know i have people to turn to.
But, probably it's too late.
Cus, i've made the same mistake again...

I didn't get it.

YES, i never learnt my lessons.
because, I LOVED with ALL my heart.
and i really have no idea how to emphasise more on this.
I give in my all for relationships; in bold pls.
and i never learnt my lessons because no matter how much i'm hurt, or betrayed,
i overlook them most of the time.
I may bring it up once in a while,
but I always overlook them.
And of course, the amount of heartache and pain i have to go through is so freaking tremendous that i sometimes think, prolly i deserved it.


it's not the first or second.
It's my umpteen times on this current relationship i cant let go.
I try not to see the past incidents that wrecked my relationship.
Even with a "blurred" status, i still love him..
I gave in to what my heart says, not my head.
And everything went wrong again.
(seriously, how many again have i wrote? WTH?)

I seriously don't understand.
what i don't have is prolly constant time,
but i had constant love.

Is it the definition of love that i wrongly defined?
i mean, isn't it all about each other,
being in each other's world?
like what happen to "my half?"
Isn't it suppose to complete me?
why do i feel that it's tearing me instead.
Why do i need to feel that i made the wrong decisions all the time?

I have so many WHYs and no one can figure them out but me.
Whenever i fly, i keep questioning this mess i'm in.
i KEEP myself clean as i fly, but what about my partner?
I cant even answer JERRYS when they ask about my mess.
I don't even know what it is.
I feel so uncertain about everything.
why even am i allowing myself to end up this way?

Endless questions eh?

Right now, it's me in a breathless state.
My heart stopped.
I'm once again, speechless.