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I came home from my class bbq at 11pm and it turned out that i had a long talk with my mum who was getting ready to sleep..

bbq was quite enjoyable but i didn't stay for long...

my mum was waiting for me to be home before she could head for bed..
i've been having curfews since i started going out with my friends and i realise that i couldn't get out of the curfew shit..
Honestly, i was a little frustrated and annoyed when she called me 3 times just to get me into the cab at 9:30pm...
gosh 9:30 please.. the bbq fire just started...
But as i flashbacked this period of time when i felt extremely upset about turtle, she brought me out and sms me when she was having her breaks...
I was reluctant to say anything that happened to her, she tried many ways to talk out of it, and tell her..
At that point, i felt sooooo loved and that i could throw away the bolster i cry onto and tear on her instead but i resisted.
Reason was simple, i just didn't my mum to worry about me, especially when she herself had her own...
How is it like to raise two children when her most important half is overseas working?
To this, i always try to do my part as her daughter,
yet i always fail especially when it comes to curfews...
That's why i resort to sneaking out...
anyhows, i love you mum..


there are just so many things on my mind at the same time and suddenly, for now, i can only monotask... well. i'll just forget abt it (urghhh, what i hate most) ..

just 2 hours ago, i was taking out my lotion, my water bottle, my precious organiser, my forms, my post-it notepad and my two phones (hp - which ring lesser now and home phone).
on-ed my computer and went to bath just to save time on the loading process...
Contradict myself please, i'm wasting my time online to visit blogs. dots.

i realise i'm starting to dislike MSN... i hate the stupid orange light blinking..
i mean i like talking to friends i would feel like talking to but sometimes when i don't, i feel oblige to reply.. urghhh...

well anyway, i stumbled onto this blog and it made me felt that i wasn't alone..
i've been wanting to say something yet i couldn't... i really really hate it when i can't find the right words and then i'll just forget about what i want to say... it's just so annoying..
yet this person B* just wrote whatever i felt....

i've been feeling all so emotional last month and now, and all i do is just wipe my tears and swallow them...
it's the fear of losing that conquers freedom..
i hate to say this but, yes, i was never a possessive person to start with.
all my ex-boyfriends had all the freedom in the world and i didn't give a damn...
but there's just sumth to this one that i couldn't let go.
i really cant tell what...
The feeling of uncertainty and unfamilarity..
it's most likely the worst feeling in the world...
Probably i've been over-sensitive but that would just be an excuse,
cus truth hurts anyway.
You just don't know how much you mean to me...

"I wish there was someone who makes me feel my worth; someone who will go the extra mile for no other reason but just because "she's worth it". In this time and age, everything is done for a motive, a gain."